A Letter to the Friend Who Cancelled ‘Because They Were Busy’

Letters from Exile #4 - (Or: Why Your Absence is a Failure at Being Human)

The following is a fictional universal addressed to all of those who it applies to. There are many in the world - and you know who you are.

Here is a real world example from just yesterday - a friend reached out, planned their trip, came to town after writing back and forth via email and social apps. I set the day aside, didn’t make plans, even cancelled some plans so that I would be available and then got a message - “Looks like our day here is already packed full, not going to be able to meet up this time.” Seriously? WTF?

💀 DARK BUT REAL:
"They'll carve 'She Was a Productive Traveler' on her tombstone and call it a life well-lived.”

My father once came to Hawaii and didn’t tell me he was on the same island as me until months later. Another two friends planned trips to Hokkaido and then never set up a time to meet. I thought maybe their trips were cancelled until I saw their instagram photos…

I don’t really care - I mean - it stings a bit but do I really want to have people in my life who even do that? Yeah, probably not. So - the following is dedicated to all of them and you many others out there who do similar….in any situation. (For the record, I’ve never been stood up in a cafe, but I’ve heard that it happens)

~CD

Satoshi Manor, Otaru, Japan

---

Dear ________,

I’m writing this from the café where you were supposed to be. Your empty chair is holding a hostage crisis with my patience. The barista just asked if I’d been stood up—I said "No, just brainrot-ed up."

Let’s be clear: I don’t blame you. I blame the cult of Productivity and the cult of Distractedness that convinced you that "busy" is a virtue and not a brainworm. That turned your calendar into a crime scene of crossed-out joys. That made you apologize for existing in unoptimized time.

Here’s What You Missed While You Were ‘Busy’:

• The old man at the next table folded his newspaper 12 times until it became a origami middle finger. (Art.)

• The espresso machine wasn’t working and the barista-owner gave an impromptu class on trouble shooting and repairing an expensive Italian coffee machine. (Technology.)

• We could’ve redesigned the entire economy between refills. (Revolution.)

The Radical Math of Hanging Out:

1. Every coffee date = a strike against the grind.

2. Every meandering walk = a border crossed without papers.

3. Every shared silence = a brick pulled from the prison wall.

They want us isolated, exhausted, trading our laughter for social likes and so busy crossing off our list of must-sees that we don’t see the people and experiences in the equation that would actually be memorable beyond an Instagram post. They want us to miss potentially life changing conversations, experiences, and people that happen in between the things that are planned. They want you to consume. Don’t let them have their way.

❌ Productivity Cult Grade: A+
✅ Being Human Grade: F- (see: "missed sunset with friends to send 3 emails that could've been one emoji or to visit a place that has been photographed by som many people that it could be recreated in perfect 3D just from the photos posted online")

Your Homework (Choose One):

☑️ Option A: Meet me on a Thursday wherever we both are. No agenda. Just exist together. (Whiskey could be an add-on.)
☑️ Option B: Forward this to someone else who’s "too busy." (Spread the virus of leisure.) Bonus TikTok Challenge: Film your screen time vs. friend time ratio (#BusynessBetrayal)
☑️ Option C: Keep cancelling or not showing up. Become a ghost. Watch as your life becomes a post-it note on capitalism’s fridge of famous consumers.

Sincerely,

The friend who remembers your actual name.

P.S. 🔥 FIRE STARTER PACK:

• Tag 2 "busy" friends below

• Screenshot your calendar's dumbest meeting

• Report back with field notes from your first unproductive hang

(Algorithm's Note: This post will self-destruct if read during work hours.)