Crow's Eye View

🎲 The New American Civil War: A Game for the Terminally Online

Dearest Fellow Collapse Enthusiasts,

Let’s cut the preamble: America is a tinderbox in a hurricane, and we’re all just here to light matches or piss on the flames, depending on the day. But since doomscrolling is so 2023, I propose something more entertaining:

🎲 The New American Civil War: A Game for the Terminally Online

(Sponsored by Whiskey & Schadenfreude)

HOW IT WORKS (OR DOESN’T):

1. Pick Your Captain (Or Don’t):

   • Captain Left (Me): "Fuck-everyone-ist, but especially billionaires."

   • Captain Right (Basecannon): "Prepper, libertarian, probably owns a flamethrower."

2. Make Your Move:

   • Suggest an action to your captain. Anything.

   • "Left seizes all golf courses, turns them into refugee camps."

   • "Right launches a meme insurgency from a Montana bunker."

3. Let the AI Decide:

   • We feed both moves into ChatGPT like a digital ouija board.

   • It spits out an outcome. "The golf courses become anarchist communes… until the flamethrowers arrive."

4. Repeat Until Collapse (or Boredom):

   • Switch sides. Betray your team. Recruit the Discord lurkers.

   • Bonus Round: Name your own faction. ("The Dirtbag Duchies" has a nice ring.)

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WHY PLAY?

• Practice for the Real Thing: Sharpen your rhetoric (or your shitposting).

• Laugh Before the End: Dark humor is the last oxygen left in the room.

• Prove AI is Dumb: Watch it turn "peaceful protest" into "zombie outbreak."

JOIN THE CARNAGE:
➡️ Step 1: Get in the Baoism Discord.
➡️ Step 2: Claim your role: Revolutionary, Troll, or Crow Spy.
➡️ Step 3: Bring your own revolution (metaphorical or otherwise).

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THIS WEEK’S HEADLINES (FICTION, PROBABLY):

• "Leftists Nationalize Starbucks, Replace Pumpkin Spice with Class Consciousness."

• "Right-Wing Militias Discover TikTok, Immediately Regret It."

🔥 FINAL WARNING:
This game has no winners, only survivors. Play at your own risk.

(P.S. Basecannon’s first move may or may not involve airdropping libertarian pamphlets. I may or may not retaliate with a folk-punk anthem. The AI could call that a draw.)