I know that lots of people will try to tell me “No, you’re handsome,” or other things, but the truth of the matter is that I’m simply not. And that’s fine. In fact, saying it out loud is liberating and feels good. What didn’t feel good was knowing it deep inside and either one pretending it wasn’t true or even worse believing it wasn’t true and then trying to figure out what it was about me that was unattractive enough to explain a lot of the things that simply being an unattractive man explains.
My brother and slightly older cousin growing up - they were both ultra-handsome. Chick magnets. Taller, more slender, natural athletes, dark hair and eyes. I looked at them and thought I was the same but got really different results. Haha.
The pretending part though, that was the worst - especially when truth would hit harder than usual - in the last video I mentioned the woman who said “if only you were tall and handsome’ ouch. There was a time in a parking lot in Oregon, I was feeling good, beautiful day, everything fine but then this tall handsome hippie guy in the parking lot decided it would be funny to tell me (and the world - loudly) what a handsome and good looking man I was. “You’re so good looking man. You’re beautful.” He wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t like he was gay, he was making a joke of my unattractiveness and it stung - bad - even more than twelve years later. Now, somehow, it doesn’t any longer, just by me saying it. What a prick though.
It wasn’t just him. I was a a VW Vanagon event and my ex-wife and I met this nice couple in the van next to us. Me and the guy were drinking beers and then he thought it would be funny to start talking about how I was as handsome as Brad Pitt. Yeah, I joked, I self-deprecated, I laughed, but it stung. I’m not and it was clear that the joke was that.
Now though? Fuck it. I’m 54 years old, divorced, living a pretty great life on my own terms, doing things I want to do, building things that I think the world needs, creating art and writing that makes me feel good, learning how to do new things. I’m not rich. I’m not tall. I’m not handsome. I’m not superfit or superfine. I’m just me and I’m fine with it. I’ve met a handful of women who were beautiful on the outside and beautiful on the inside who didn’t care about that. I’ll meet more. And for those who don’t look past it? What can I say? I like beauty too. I get it. No judgment.
A word for the tall, handsome men out there though - you got handed a cheat code in life and I see so many of you who don’t recognize that. You act like babies or assholes and somehow it all gets forgiven - but I’ll tell you this - a little gratitude for what you have. could go a long way. And a bit of empathy for those who don’t. I’ve met a lot of tall handsome dudes who are just as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside, but I’ve met far more of the spoiled baby type who shit on the world and expect it to wipe their asses. That’s a shame. Maybe it’s the same with women.
I don’t know.
So please, don’t try to tell me I’m handsome. Don’t mock me for being unattractive - even in a way that compares me to Brad Pitt or sounds like you are telling the world how beautiful I am. Also - please don’t compare me to actors that look like me - just compare me to me - because frankly, I’m pretty great and far better than I used to be. Even between yesterday and today.
